This morning was terrible. I was late
catastrophically the exam. Late for me to do is unacceptable, and only on the exam - even more so, but on the exam, which should take only a few people, just being late impossible. So that morning I was in a lather, and the nerves. First, my train was late by 40 minutes (!), This happens very rarely, but always in the exam day, and on arrival to the central station, I discovered that today some unintended (at least - for me) strike subway campaign nationally as usual strike on Fridays, we have become accustomed to it, and on Friday I'm in uni in the early morning. When down in the ground, on all screens is already shining plates that that the lines are blocked, (the strike began at 8:45), nevertheless, as if I bought a ticket on the machine, was the turnstile and went down the escalator ... and lo! - Along with three same lunatics like me, sat down on the last train, (it was already as does 9:30), going in my direction! Still have two minutes, and I would be at her late. The train was delayed at each station is much longer than usual, so I reached to stop her, just being nervous to the obscene. Then he ran to the Uni- so that even a shot on the way down jacket, passers-by looked at me with long faces. Imagine: Heels (on this day to me itch), full speed across the street sweeps blonde in a light turtleneck and scarf at the ready with the heaviest backpack, which flaunts huge red letters "RUSSIA". Classic genre!. :) I was so constantly zyryat because of this backpack (can not find to their liking as well as find - toad presses buy Gy), but here the picture at all with oil. All this time I prayed that the pros were still there - by my calculations should take only a few people, and who knows what they have there the pace today. I literally flew into the exam aul, panting, his face red, and because the village had almost no one was there and then went to answer, not even having time to get scared. So way, this morning I wonder accidentally escaped me already familiar stage marinating fears. Typically, as is happening: I love to repeat examination, at least skimming through the eyes of the pages, but generally, this process has the opposite effect - comes the feeling that I do not remember anything. More than sitting in the village, so dreary country - I can see how long plagued students of professors, as they become pale and sad, God forbid, then run into those who have already passed and received a "satisfactory"! They are in all colors tell horror stories and scare the rest, and the rest are terribly loaded and begin ship standing near. In general, as usually happens in the exams, only the Italians tell horror stories more vivid colors. Do not ask do not get - Anyway you want to know how to ask, even if it is then it becomes even worse. :) So slowly, in anticipation of Judgement, I marinate my fears inside, seasoning them very hot spices: "Well, so if the Italians in their native language have" beats ", I just hope no matter what." I note that in my uni, I have never come across with a condescending attitude towards me about my foreign origin. Often the pros believe that if so I'm at university, it must meet the criteria, and 3 years in the country - it is time to speak as they want. Now, fears are pickled, swell, filling all the mental space, gradually vymeschaya thought and desire to repeat something, ask colleagues for the village as it went. And gradually I come to a final thought: "What the fuck am I doing here at all?" And yes, I confess, I am on the verge to get away and come next time and fight until the very end with this unpleasant state, putting him in a lot of moral strength. By the time we should go meet, mentally I was gutted himself to the ground. It does not matter I have for many years, and I passed the exams for their lives nemerenoe number, and many of them in Russia gave up on the success nevertheless always work, Retake and was only once. Every time I worried about this state again, but in Italy it worse that the re possible, so also for her decision to accept you directly. And then the temptation to come better prepared (what an illusion!) And self-confident lot. Neiskorenenny perfectionism in me dozing, and thinking about the possibility of re-dealing - this is for him at all fertile. But I think I found a way to solve the problem. At this time everything was different: I flew in the aul. Obvozhu her eyes, to decide who to go to surrender. "So, this professor, I do not know this girl ... (Hell, assistenka!) - Too. And here's a pro! Buongiorno! Yes, yes, I - Anna. Forgive me for being late. Answer? Right now? Well, I'm coming ... "discharged his immense backpack on a chair, and without any training, (I even turned off the phone is not and pulled from his pocket), going to respond first to one professor, and then smoothly move to another ... By that time, as redness of the race lay with my face, I went back to a backpack with a student's record-book in their hands ... And then I seemed to awake, knowing that I passed the exam without a hint of excitement at all! All the while, starting with the fact that my train started late, I thought only I'll be late, worried about the fact that the profiles do not have time to interview all prior to my arrival, and this fear and excitement is absolutely ousted the usual fears about the outcome of the exam, I just have not had time to marinade. Though it has gone in a hurry to surrender, but with a completely clean and fresh brain nevymuchennym and nerasterzannym doubts. That undoubtedly affected my answer and otsenke.Etot case made me think about the fact that all my fears about the outcome of the case, Often, seemingly hungry tigers who throw themselves at me in front of some important step, and plagued by the brain, may in fact be just the air balls (I also thoroughly hyped to incredible sizes), which should just be able to flick of the wrist to release into the sky. Or burst. And what if the terrible take a decision, you just need to artificially create a situation in which a decision must be taken as quickly as possible, avoiding the situation until the bowls in my head did not swell to incredible sizes. Must be able to be ruthless to the balloons - just start doing something immediately, making sure that everything was not so bad actually, lopaya them one by one. This directly concerns the business-frogs, which we've talked a lot during training on the organization of affairs. Frog - a case, which is constantly delayed napotom out of fear for the outcome of the case. The most unpleasant thing in this business - waiting for the start, viscous as tar, and thoughts on the subject: "How everything goes? What will happen? "And one of the most effective techniques in this case - is: a clear head (the main method to work out) and just do or (in my case it is effective because in my mind there is a real hierarchy Strait) to think about something else, more unpleasant in the long term, more global, but distant. Important - not to demoralize and a final. Well ... For example, fear not to go to the exam, I would now, theoretically could replace fear of not prolonging a residence with a colorful representation of all the consequences. But I was lucky, and very circumstances replaced I fear one another. Alas, this technique works only for fear, but can not overcome the laziness and nothing else-do-nehotenie. This is another story.
And, incidentally, вспомнилась мне интересная история из моего прошлого на эту же тему. Когда-то давным-давно, когда я писала свой первый диплом, мне нужно было ехать в универ “на carpet "to my manager diploma talk about unfinished chapter, when all the deadlines have expired, but time is running out. Respectively I'm terribly worried, afraid to hear the verdict, before blowing himself in the head with thousands and thousands of balloons. By the time I drove the car, but felt irresistible panic ride alone. Straight here panicky fear of the mainstream, feared park in at the left corner felt awkward and uncomfortable. But at a meeting I was late and had to take the car. I remember as I do, inflating balloons, that is, in colors representing, as I now cold haughty voice will say that I was expelled from the Uni-eve gosov, the machine sat behind the wheel and drove from the parking lot and an enviable equanimity all the rules of the road movement, quietly reached to uni. My own conversation with the teacher was so strong that it drove my fear of driving. Forever! What I arrived with no problems, I realized only when a light heart came from teaching and sat down again behind the wheel. And, inwardly rejoicing, went to the city. :) Since then I have a car carrier ... Well ... I was told - "the guy", then what is probably considered the highest compliment, that being female might hear from a male - In general confidently, boldly going around the pit, leaving of necessity into the oncoming lane (when it is required to the top of the Sakhalin road skill!) And all my friends, especially the guys that I skated, just melted - how? You're so confident acting out, holding fast to the wheel, and one even told me that I - the first girl in the car, in the car which he'd decided to sleep until I am! And I do not know what's inside me so abruptly shifted from negative to positive. Just once! - And no fear. That such successful substitution effect.
PS: By the way, I've recently discovered that two years later my Russian law already cease to act, 8 years have passed ... 8 (!) Years - It's almost ten (!) And ten years - the same round anniversary!
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